The end of October, November and the beginning of December
were possibly my busiest times so far with Kids Alive Kenya. For about 7 weeks,
I was kept on my toes hosting back to back teams from the US, UK and Taiwan.
Each team brought its own small challenges, but each team also brought huge
blessing, encouragement and new partnerships for Kids Alive Kenya and for me
personally. It’s exciting to watch the direction in which the Lord is taking
this organization, and the hearts He is touching and bringing together around
the world to help make the vision of KAK a reality.
Two days after the last team left the country, I flew to
Michigan to spend Christmas with my family. My time in the States was greatly
needed, and it was wonderful to be able to spend time with my family and a few
friends, some of whom I hadn’t seen for several years.
Upon my arrival back in Kenya last week, as I drove from the
airport to the Nairobi guesthouse where I was to spend the night, a strange
feeling came over me. It was one I’ve only ever felt in my life when I’ve been
travelling to a very familiar place like my childhood home or my family’s Lake
house. A feeling of comfort, peace and belonging. I was a little surprised by
this feeling, as my life in Kenya has never really felt particularly certain or
comfortable. Being the only American in a town of people who mostly have never
interacted with someone outside their tribe (let alone their country) has often
caused me to feel foreign and out of place. While I should be used to it by
now, I still feel a little uncomfortable when every time I walk through town I’m
met with open mouthed stares, whispers as I walk past, marriage proposals from
drunk men and shouts of “hey white
person!”. So I was confused by this “belonging” feeling that came over me, but
after I slept off my jetlag and had time to analyze it, I realized that it was
a gift from the Lord for a moment that could have been filled with anxiety and
stress, and a reminder that as long as I continue to follow closely after Him,
I will always be exactly where He wants me – which is exactly where I belong.
I applied for a
Kenyan work permit over a year ago, but because of a lot of complicated,
extenuating circumstances, I still haven’t been approved (despite the fact that
all I want to do is to work as an unpaid volunteer for an organization that
cares for Kenyan orphans). What this means is that every time I leave the
country, it gets harder for me to obtain another visitor’s visa to get back in.
This time the immigration officer I met at the border issued me a visa for only
one month instead of the usual three, and said that if my permit isn’t approved
by the first week of February, I’ll have to leave the country and possibly
never be allowed back in again.
It’s been a week since my return, and very little progress
has been made toward my approval, which has left me in a state of extreme
uncertainty. Will I be leaving Kenya in 3 weeks? Should I start packing and looking for flights?
If I have to leave, will I ever be allowed back in? God, why is this happening –
don’t you want me here anymore? If not, then where do you want me?
And yet, as I've been churning these questions over and over in my mind, that peaceful "belonging" feeling hasn't quite left me. And through all of this, a twofold theme has been surfacing in
my devotions, conversations and prayer life: the importance of gratitude and being
present. The immediate future may be very uncertain, but into my worry-filled thoughts this week, God
has been gently whispering that while I don’t know what’s going to happen
tomorrow, He does. He does. So I shouldn’t waste today with worrying about tomorrow, but
rather focus on and be grateful for the gifts and tasks He’s given to me for
today. Easier said than done, I know, but if He is teaching it to me, then I
have full confidence that He’ll give me what I need to put it into practice.
